Thirty-One

Last week we celebrated my birthday and I turned thirty one.  I feel like Landon and I just got married, yet at the same time I physically feel more like 40.  

I always said Landon and I would enjoy married life before having kids....

 That I would never have kids after 30....

That I would only have two kids....

That I would never go "let myself go".....

Well God had other plans for our family, and I'm so thankful he did!

Brooke was our honeymoon baby (on birth control), and #2 and #3 turned out to be twins.  I'm pregnant with Number FOUR!  My belly is expanding by the day, and sometimes I struggle to keep up with my beautiful and energetic girls.  

Yep, I'm that mom that wears workout clothes in public and forgets to put on makeup sometimes.  My makeup routine consists of eyeliner and mascara....eyeshadow for "special" occasions.  I have tried every foundation, BB Cream, and tinted moisturizer there is, but my skin is ultra sensitive and they don't work for me.  So mascara and eyeliner it is - there are permanent bags and wrinkles that just can't be hidden.

BUT....

I wouldn't trade my life for anything, or wish to be in my twenties again.  Each year has brought great blessings.  Those bags under our eyes represent four special gifts that God has given us.  Our children.  We didn't get a chance to be "free"...but life with children has been amazing for us and has taught us SO much about ourselves and about how faithful our God is. I would give anything up for my kids...my time, my energy, my dreams.  For Landon it represents how hard he works for our family.  I'm so thankful for a husband that provides for our family, takes care of us and shows us his love. He is such an example to me and the kids of our heavenly Father.

 These stretch marks represent God's handiwork - the opportunity to experience the miracle of life and feel a baby growing inside me.  Those marks are not ugly, but beautiful and I have grown to appreciate and accept them.

I'm so thankful for another year....one that I am really looking forward to!  Every day is a gift from God!

Learning through Motherhood....

Here's a little glimpse of our "crazy" week....

While the twins were supposed to be napping, Lauren decides to climb up to Lily's bunk and BITE her in the back - clearly a round circle that was already starting to bruise.  We have a biting problem.

While Landon was at music practice last night, I sat on the couch from 6:30 - 7:30 disciplining kids for fighting, whining, biting and screaming.  I decided that before I lost my sanity I should probably put them to bed early.  Distraught after a long day I sat in my bed eating M&M's while sobbing.  Thankfully Landon wasn't home for that one...he sees enough drama and tears.

I set my alarm clock this morning for 5:30 and didn't even hear it until 5:42.  Rascal Flatts sang to me for 12 minutes straight.  Thankfully I wore my "workout outfit" to bed so I could go straight to Walmart with crazy hair and no makeup.  I'm such a planner.  Yes, I'm that desperate to go to the store before Landon goes to work so I can avoid taking the kids. 

I got home just in time to watch Landon leave our room for work.  Half dressed.  And then I remembered our load of clean laundry that has been sitting in the dryer for two days.  And I smile (and cry a little bit) because I realize that I have an amazing husband that doesn't even care.  He just digs out something (now wrinkled) from the dryer and heads to work.  And then texts me later this morning and tells me I'm awesome (?!?!?). 

When I think of adding a fourth lately, I get a little overwhelmed.  Then I laugh at this line from Jim Gaffigan:

"Want to know what it's like to have a fourth?  Just imagine you are drowning, and them someone hands you a baby...."

So funny, but seriously how I feel these days.  If you need a laugh, you should click on his name...it will take you to a video clip.  

This morning, I picked up "Out of the Spin Cycle" by Jen Hatmaker and started reading one of my favorite chapters (Chapter 7, in case you have the book)

"Motherhood is like a pitcher with a whole in the bottom: a constant drain on our energy, patience, and tolerance. If nothing good is stored up, where are we possibly going to draw patience?  Grace?  Longsuffering?  young motherhood is too demanding to attempt without a deep connection to Christ."

{photo via pinterest}

As I was praying this morning, I remembered the sweet couple that lost their baby girl yesterday.  The family whose baby boy is struggling in the hospital and needs a heart transplant.  Sweet Rosalie who is still sleeping.  It really puts things into perspective for me.  Regardless of how badly my days go, I still have three sweet babies to tuck into bed, to bathe, to laugh with, and to discipline. I can wake up to three, beautiful, sweet (sometimes naughty) girls.  They need Jesus, but most of all they need to see a mommy who strives to be like Jesus.  I need to put good in, and good will flow out.  I become thankful....thankful for the great opportunity God has given me to be a mother.  Thankful for these hard times, where He teaches me that He is enough.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
II Corinthians 12:9

Lily & Lauren turn THREE!

These two turned THREE Monday.  I can still remember every detail the morning I met Lily and Lauren.  They were each their own little person, yet so much alike....

Lily was born first.  She was the smaller, more active twin.  She is still exactly the same...she will most definitely be our sporty girl.  She is shy, sensitive, soft spoken, sweet and loves to touch.  

Lauren came out a minute later.  She was always the twin I had to poke to get a response while she was in my belly.  She is still that way...pretty laid back most of the time.  She is a girly girl, and is Brooke's biggest fan.  She is sweet, sassy, loud, sensitive, dramatic and loves to give hugs.  

It's been such fun watching these two grow up together.  They are no longer babies, but now growing into little ladies.  I love to watch them interact with each other - there is such a special bond between them!  

I'm so thankful God chose me to be there Mom.  God has taught me so much through each one of my children.  These two have taught me how to laugh and enjoy these little years.  

Jill {letting go}

Letting Go… to Watch Them Grow

Last August marked a new life event. My baby girl got engaged to her dream guy! We all knew this was coming. Almost from day one, she was sure he was “the one.” No unrest or anxieties involved with this relationship. It was very assuring to see God work in their lives and in the details of their relationship to confirm that He was orchestrating it all. We were all on board. It was and is a very happy and wonderful time. What follows is an ordinary mom’s perspective and the transition involved.

{last sippy cup in our house}

Engagement is such a joyful event. You really are thrilled in every way that your daughter is going to spend the rest of her life with the guy whom you’ve prayed for - for years. It’s a very special time for a mother to be a part of her daughter’s biggest dreams and plans. What a sweeter blessing could there be! Yet, in the midst of all the happiness, I sensed a change coming.

I felt like we had done our best (not perfectly mind you) to raise this child with all the morals, values and beliefs we’ve held near and dear. We attended every school function, every game, every violin recital, every church activity, and every kind of banquet. We took her to church, sent her to a private school, had family devotions, and tried to make as many special family memories as we could through the years. Yes, we’ve poured our life into this child. No reason to feel anything but sheer joy, right?

For some reason, this event later brought some feelings I was unprepared for. The transition is subtle, but it moves right deep into your heart, undeniably so. This daughter is going from a place where you had all the say - to a place outside of that. Yes, slowly, but surely. You watch up close, yet feel at a distance as you see her growing up and moving on to a new life. She is starting to live out the “cleaving” process. And, this is right and good in every respect, especially biblically. As you watch, you realize this new life status means she’s moved into adulthood. So now you are faced with a choice in the way you parent and relate. Is this easy? No way. You’ve cared for and nurtured this child since day one. Now parenting will take on a whole new twist. It becomes more about their choices and decisions, not yours. Ouch.

It is easy to feel a little “left behind” while this transition takes place. Pity-party you ask? I guess I was feeling maybe the reality of the fact that I wasn’t “all that” any longer. Humbling is a good way to describe it. However, in the midst of reconciling all that, it is comforting to know that God is really at work, in your very own heart. He is my Father, ready and waiting to give His sweet grace to me. Let’s be honest, it’s not about me (or you). What I started to see more starkly than ever was that in order for her to grow and become what God intends for her in life, I must step back. I must let her join her heart with his. I must not try to cling to what was. (Hear me preaching to myself?)  Holding on or looking back stunts. Growth can only come through letting go and embracing the new. There will be new life for her and also new life in our home and hearts as well. God is doing a beautiful work and I must join Him. He has plans that are good that include a bright future. He IS orchestrating what we have prayed for and trusted Him for to do in her. I must now look to what He wants to accomplish in the present and the future, not stay in the past. I must not wallow in any regret. I certainly have made many mistakes. We were/are far from perfect. Would those mistakes adversely affect her - the rest of her life? These kinds of questions now came to my mind. “Did I do enough?” “Did I raise her to be what God wanted from us?” “Did I properly equip her to be a godly wife and responsible adult?” “Did I really say all that I’ve wanted to say and do to teach her as a beautiful young woman going out into the world?” Definitely no easy answers here. Only a twinge of indescribable thoughts came to mind through those questions. All of this put a heightened sense of awareness of the days left before us. So there is a choice, stay in the past and pretend like it’s not going to change, or move on and embrace what is before you.

One very important statement I was told early on that was tucked away in the corner of my mind was “Guard your heart.” This means protecting your heart and mind with truth. Put on the truth of God’s Word daily and pray. Major transitions are not easy, but God is in the midst of them - if you step back and see. He teaches us so many valuable lessons that may not come any other way. Don’t let the enemy wreak havoc in your relationship through emotions that go unchecked. I had plenty of emotions and didn’t handle them all in the best way, all of the time. But there are apologies and forgiveness. There is a relinquishing involved, and we can’t fight it. Tell God all about your feelings. He understands them, even if no one else does. And lastly, enjoy the new relationship - both with your daughter and also your son-in-law to be. It is truly a precious, God-given gift to gain another family member that also deeply loves your child and has their best interest at heart.

 

Tamara {the importance of prayer as a mother}

One of the fondest memories I have of my mother is her fervent prayer life.  I knew if I woke up, and she wasn't in the kitchen, she was in her prayer closet.  Praying for hours...many of those hours for me. I can't imagine where I would be without the prayer of my mother.  I know Landon can say the same about his mother.  I'm so thankful for the example both of our mothers have been in that area to us.  

The last couple months have been discouraging for me.  I have been very tired and out of my normal routine.  I find myself waking up late, feeling awful and laying in bed waiting for the girls to wake up.  Sure, I pray....but it's in the shower, in the car, and when I'm falling asleep at night.  I pray when something doesn't go my way, when I go through a trial, when I see a request on facebook, and that my kids will behave.  Basically I pray that everything will change to make MY life easier.  

This Sunday morning, we wanted to try the early service out at our "new" church.  I was having some physical issues, but for some reason I felt God prompting me to get everyone up and ready to get to the 9:00 service.  I almost threw in the towel, but we showed up just in time for the service.  There were  guest pastors speaking in each of the services.  Pastor Kevin Harper stood up to preach, and from the beginning of his message I KNEW there was a reason we came to the early service.  He spoke on prayer.  The importance of setting aside time each day to remember WHO you are praying to and for God to change ME.  So many times, we pray for God to change circumstances when that may not be in his will. We hold on to what we think is good for our lives, instead of letting it go and allowing Him to decide and work for His good.  By the end of the service, I was so convicted about my prayer life. The last couple months I have been begging God to change my kids, my circumstances and my trials.  I haven't asked Him to change ME first....to make me more like Him.  I know that when I focus on praying for HIS will, not mine, He will give me such a peace.  This prayer will dramatically change my relationship with Landon, with my girls, and with others.  

I want to fervently pray for my children.  I cleaned out a corner of our closet, and have been challenged to make this a priority first thing in the morning, no matter how I feel or what we have going on.  To pray for them in every aspect of their life...to become who God wants them to be, not who I think they should be.  

Here are a few sources on guiding you along as you pray for your husband and children!

http://wellnurturedplantsandpillars.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/prayer-guide-for-family-and-self-printables/

http://familymatters.net/blog/2012/02/01/31-days-of-prayers-for-your-children-diy-prayer-book/

http://www.amazon.com/Praying-Scriptures-Children-Jodie-Berndt/dp/0310232163/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369658380&sr=8-1&keywords=praying+for+your+children

http://www.amazon.com/Praying-Gods-Word-Your-Husband/dp/0800720768/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1369658342&sr=8-2&keywords=praying+for+your+husband

Destin Vacation 2013

Here are some photos of our Destin Vacation.  We went with most of Landon's family...the one's that weren't able to go were missed.  The ocean is one of my favorite places to be.  We tried to soak in every minute, but of course the week flew by as all vacations do...

After 2 days of traveling, we unloaded the cars and headed down to the beach!  The twins were super insecure about the sand, but ended up doing 100% better than last year.  

Brooke is our little fish.  She was completely soaked, and even apologized for getting her clothes all dirty.  It was so fun watching her be so free, and enjoying the ocean like she had been there just yesterday.  

We took some family pictures by the beach Thursday night.  I'm still REALLY learning how to take  photos, but I love capturing special memories shared with loved ones.

Here are Poppy and GiGi with some of the grandkids.  There are three beautiful blondes missing!

Such a fun, relaxing week.  Looking forward to the next time we will get to visit...with one more kid in tow!

His Plans...

When I look at these photographs, tears come to my eyes.  Being a mom of three can be a struggle at times, but the blessings definitely outweigh those hard times.  I am also reminded of how great His plan is for each of us is.  When Landon and I got married, we "planned" to wait a couple years to start trying to get pregnant.  Well, God had something greater for us and her name was Brooke.  Even on birth control, I became pregnant with her soon after our wedding.  That day wasn't full of excitement for Landon and I.  We sat on our couch crying, wondering how we were going to be parents.  It took a few days for us, but we started to get excited about our little "bean".  We also weren't prepared for the horrible pregnancy I was about to encounter.  During my pregnancies I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum.  I spent several times in the emergency room, and a couple overnight stays in the hospital getting fluids during this pregnancy.  God was so good to us and kept Brooke perfectly healthy.  She is such a blessing to us with her sweet spirit and loving heart.  

We knew we didn't want Brooke to be an only child, but our plan was to have only two children close together.  We tried for almost 8 months, which I know isn't that long compared to many of you, but it seemed like an eternity to us!  We were overjoyed when we found out we were expecting again.  Those next couple weeks were a trial for us as I was extremely sick, and was in the emergency room for a LOT of bleeding.  I went to Tulsa for HCG tests every other day, since there was no other way to tell if the pregnancy was still viable.  At 8 weeks, we waited in the ultrasound room just praying that the baby was alive.  Not only did we see one babies heartbeat, we saw TWO.  God had blessed us greatly, and again we saw that our plans are not always HIS plans.  Our family was about to go from three to five!  Countless emergency room visits, hospital stays, trips to the cancer treatment center for nutrients, many precious prayers and twenty weeks of bed rest later we met our beautiful twin girls Lily & Lauren.  They were born at 36 1/2 weeks and never saw the NICU.  Wow, His goodness, love and strength are so amazing.

Brooke is almost five, and the twins will be three in June!  I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.  I sometimes questioned if we would have another baby in the future.  Over the last six months, I had a peace in my heart that we would not be having any more children.  I was a little sad, but after potty training the girls and selling every baby item we had in our home I knew that I was ready to focus on the girls and our future together. 

 Did I mention that our plans are not always HIS plans???

Rewind to April Fools Day.  I have been having some problems physically (to spare the details) since the twins were born.  Even though I didn't think it was possible, I had an overwhelming feeling to take a pregnancy test.  I packed the kids up in the car and headed to wal-mart.  Yep.  You guessed it.  It was positive.  

Is my husband going to believe me, it's April Fools???

What are we going to do?

We just sold EVERYTHING baby!

What is everyone going to think about us???

Sigh.  Sadly, those were the first thoughts that came to mind.  I called Landon (i wish i had that conversation recorded) and he brought home more tests.  Yep, no false positives.   It took a few hours to get over the shock.  It was a comfort to know that God wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle, and this was no surprise to Him!  Children are blessings, and I know He is going to give us everything we need to take care of this little one. We saw the doctor a few days later and our little baby was 6 weeks old!  He or she will be here right before Thanksgiving! Believe it or not, Landon is hoping for another girl!  We will be equally excited either way, although I would love to experience that mother/son relationship!

The girls are all of course, expecting a little sister and love talking about the baby!

Thanks to medication, I am feeling a lot better than my other pregnancies.  I have gotten to see our little baby 3 times already, and it never gets old.  Seeing his/her little heart beating is the most amazing miracle.  We have had amazing family and friends encourage us along the way.  I'm so thankful for His blessings, and that His plan that is greater than anything I could ever imagine.  

Our sweet baby at 10 weeks - may be a soccer player - look at that kick!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a FUTURE and a HOPE."

-Jeremiah 29:11-

Alicia {Lincoln's adoption story}

Almost exactly a year ago, God began to teach us lessons that not only were we not expecting, but also we were not prepared for in so many ways. Last March, we started on an adoption journey that, of course, has changed our lives in the most difficult and rewarding ways. A tiny background to our adoption story: over the 2011-2012 school year, I was working at a college for intellectually- handicapped students. One of the students became pregnant over the 2011 Christmas vacation. When the faculty and staff were told about this pregnancy, I knew instantly that God had a plan for us to be involved in that little munchkin’s life. In fact, that very night, I went home and told Denny that I felt weird when the announcement was made because somehow I knew that God was telling me to open my heart to this newly-formed life. Denny and I have been married for a little over 6 years without the ability to have children, but had only recently started to even consider adoption as a possibility. We had no knowledge of the adoption process. We just knew that in general, if God wanted us to have a child, we would have one. Then one day, as I was teaching a class in the gym, Linc’s birth mother came up to me, and so eloquently asked, “So, hey, Mrs. Vauters, do you want him?” From that point on, the journey for Lincoln took us up steep mountains and into deep valleys – with many cliffs and stumbling points along the way. Through this intense journey, God taught us many lessons.

Firstly, God is teaching us more about His faithfulness and love. In my head, I know that God is faithful. Even in my heart, I know that God is faithful. I have seen his faithfulness to Denny and me more times than I can count. But our understanding of God’s faithfulness became richer and deeper with this adoption experience. God was faithful to us when we were told by the birth mother’s parents that we could adopt the baby, only to find out 6 weeks later that that the birth father’s mother was going to fight the adoption every step of the way. The whole summer last summer went back and forth like that, but God was teaching us that He was faithful no matter who else was not. We could trust Him for our best.  A huge part of this adoption process for me was daily dealing with a birth mother who struggled with placing her baby for adoption because she was given up for adoption by parents who did not want her. Also, she struggles with emotional and intellectual disabilities that do not always allow her to reason correctly. Both of those variables caused Lincoln’s birth mother to change her mind many times during the adoption process, causing massive confusion for our emotions. However, God taught us that his faithfulness does not mean that we always get what we want or have situations proceed smoothly, but that we can trust in a God who never lets us go and who is always a compassionate Father. During difficult times on difficult days (and there were many), I would sing to myself:

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

Constant through the trial and the change

One thing remains

Your love never fails; it never gives up; it never runs out on me.

And on and on and on and on it goes.

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul.

And I never, ever have to be afraid.

Secondly, God is teaching us more about our own profound inadequacies. The journey for Lincoln was beyond what we could bear on our own. Never have our emotional, physical, and spiritual lives been so upended. Before this adoption journey, I would have described our lives as mostly neat and orderly. Everything was organized and well-planned. Everything was systematic. And then God decided to open our hearts to Lincoln – and believe me, absolutely everything about our neatly-ordered lives changed. I have always struggled with wanting to have the illusion of controlling my circumstances, and God brought me to a place of submission about that. I had to let go of the control I so desperately wanted and let God do a work in my heart. To let go of my illusion of control meant a few things: I needed to open my heart to feel deeply. That was probably one of the hardest parts of this process for me. Each day, not knowing what Linc’s birth mother would be thinking, but knowing that I had to face whatever was thrown at me that day truly brought me to my knees. I told myself hundreds of times a day that God is good, and He gives good gifts to his children. If we were not going to end up with a child at the end of this process, then I needed to fully accept that that was God’s best for me. Transparently, that is not an easy lesson to accept. Denny and I came to the point of truly wanting God’s glory to be revealed through the situation, whether that meant deep hurt for us, but I came to that conclusion slowly and stumblingly. I wrestled with the Lord on a daily basis, and would sing myself songs and rehearse Scripture over and over as I struggled with my confusing feelings. Two days before Lincoln was born, I was at a doctor’s appointment with Lincoln’s birth mother, and at the appointment (on his actual due date), she told me that she was planning to keep the baby. I dropped her off after the “announcement,” and I literally could not even drive home because I was crying so hard. I prayed the whole way home for submission to God’s will.

Also, letting go of control meant that I had to trust God instead of fearing what could happen. Both of Lincoln’s birth parents are disabled. Because I spent so much time with Lincoln’s birth mother each day, I knew the possibilities of the disabilities that could be passed down to Lincoln. However, neither of us knew that Lincoln’s birth father also has severe intellectual disabilities until the day we met him at the termination hearing. So, I mentally and emotionally prepared myself for the worst instead of trusting God’s goodness. But Denny challenged me to hope in God. Not to just flounder along with an undefined expectation, but to trust in a God who gives to his children far above what they could ask or think. As Lewis once said, “I asked God for answers and his answer was Himself.”

Thirdly, God has taught us more about his rich blessings. I look back over the past year, and see the most difficult year of our lives. We struggled in almost every area along with the stress of the adoption journey: adopting Lincoln and the loss of Denny’s job happening simultaneously were financially more than we could handle, the stress in our lives from the adoption was complicated by family issues and other issues. At the termination of parental rights hearing, we met Lincoln’s birth father and his mother, Lincoln’s grandmother. Initially, she was hostile to us, misunderstanding much of the process of what had happened up to that point. The Holy Spirit tugged at my heart, and led me to offer Lincoln to her while we were waiting for DNA testing. That was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done because I wanted to cling to Lincoln, but as soon as I gave him over to her, she started sobbing, and we were able to sit down for about an hour and explain our love for Lincoln and our desire that she let us adopt him. The Lord used that hour to change her heart, and richly bless us. As I see the “heat” that God has given to us, I see it as the means that brought about God’s rich blessing to us. We have the blessing of having been changed (and still being changed). It’s hard to verbalize or explain, but through this journey, God has opened up our hearts to a deeper sensitivity to his working in our lives. He developed in us a greater love for hearing his word preached and discussed. He has shown us more deeply our thankfulness for what he has saved us from and the undeserved grace he has extended to us at the cross. Ultimately, He has blessed us with a son: a beautiful, little boy (and for those of you who know him, he is anything but little). 

Some days, I struggle to “make it” with the daily stress of an infant and other life circumstances  God has for us right now, but on days like that, I will “count my blessings,” which are beyond counting.

The verse we picked for Linc’s dedication is I Samuel 1:27.  Lincoln officially became a Vauters on December 18th, but I know that God designed our circumstances so that we were given so many other lessons for us to learn about His character. How thankful we are that the answer through life’s questions is God Himself!

Sarah {life as a new mom}

I know Tammy from our college days.  I admire her as a friend and as a mom.  Her blog has encouraged me and challenged me so many times.  Tammy is so transparent and honest and I deeply appreciate that about her.  The posts in her "mom series" have been encouraging and challenging to me as a new mom.  When she asked me if I'd be willing to write for her blog I felt very inadequate.  I've never written a blog post and I don't have anything deep or new to share.  I've only been a mom for 4 months!  But somehow, between the sleep deprivation and fussiness, I want to use this opportunity to share some of how God is growing me in the early days of motherhood.

Being a mom is hard!  Rewarding, yes.  But I've found it's harder than a lot of people wil admit.  Not in a "oh that diaper change was hard" kind of way.  But in a dying to self kind of way.  In a "I don't have the patience or energy or love to do this right now" kind of way.  Anna Grace can be the sweetest baby and there are moments (like the first time she smiled or when she's asleep in my arms) when being a mom is better than I could have ever imagined.  But I have a very fussy, unhappy baby who also has reflex   And sometimes it's just overwhelming.  When I find myself so overwhelmed and exhausted and frustrated, when I realize and admit I can't do this on my own, that's when Christ is strong.  God is definitely using parenthood to show me how incapable I am and how much I need Him.  The Holy Spirit who lives in my enables me to live beyond myself.  

But, this best sums up where I am right now in my journey of motherhood and why it can be so hard...

"The constant battle of motherhood is more subtle, more everyday, more hideable.  At the center is one question:  Will I sacrifice?...The everyday Question, however, asks no just about what I do but also about my attitude." The Everyday Question of Motherhood 

This week I've been thinking about Easter and parenthood.  I understand a little better the perfect, sacrificial, unconditional love God has shown us through Christ.  He loved us when we were sinners, and there was nothing good about us, and gave His only Son to die for us while we were in that condition.(Romans 5:6-8)  That is amazing love!  I fail daily to love Anna like that.  But His grace covers me.  His finished work on the cross covers me.  And because He lives, He sustains me with His Spirit and gives me hope.  "To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27

Wow!  Chist is in me.  He fills me, sustains me, sanctifies me by His Spirit, enables me to be a mom, and to show His to others, to Anna.  That is my calling as a mom.  My calling is not to have a happy, content baby who is on a perfect schedule or who reaches her milestones at the appropriate times.  Christ is my hope.  Everything else we set our hope on will disappoint in the end.  Marriage, motherhood, wealth, achievements, possessions, whatever it is.  only Christ.

Put another way:
"Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying...But a Christian should have a different paradigm.  We should run to the cross.  To death.  So lay down your hopes...Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross  There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone." - from Motherhood is a Calling 

So between Easter and motherhood, this is what God is teaching me right now:

"At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood.  Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel." from Motherhood as a Mission Field.

"For the love of Christ compels us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died, and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live or themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." (2 Corinthians 5:14-15)

I pray that God will enable me to live this out so Anna Grace will know Christ and live for Him!

Our Experience Potty Training the Twins {3-day method}

Well....it's official.  For the first time in 4 1/2 years we will not be making runs to target to purchase diapers.  Our first experience potty training Brooke was a breeze - such a breeze that I didn't even remember the details.  We put big girl panties on her and she never looked back....I think it took her a day but she WANTED to use the big girl potty.  Lily and Lauren sort of had a fear of the potty when I tested it out previously.  I didn't feel a pressure to PT the girls, but after talking to several moms about their experience using the "3-day potty training" method, I knew we should try before they got any older.  It was a quick decision but I knew if I didn't commit to start this now, I would keep putting it off.  So Saturday (feb 16) Landon and I decided to start Sunday morning.  This required not being able to leave the house for 3 (or more) days, constant supervision and LOTS of panties.  If you decide to try this method, I would recommend starting on a day that your husband is home....and don't pick the same week you have a business meeting at your home, 260 cupcakes and two cakes to complete.  We lived through the experience through many tears (mostly on my part) and looking back I'm thankful that we pushed through those very long days.  

Here's what our three days looked like...

Sunday - We started off the morning explaining to Lily & Lauren that they will no longer wear diapers but would be wearing big girl panties.  All the diapers were going in the trash (more for us so we couldn't turn back).  They cried.  They loved their diapers.  We rolled up the rug in the living room and moved all the furniture out.  This is where we camped out for almost three days.  This is also where I cleaned up a lot of bodily fluids.  Thank goodness Landon was home.  He worked with them on the potty while I cleaned up the messes.  Just a funny picture for you....just imagine this scenario in your head.  Of course the twins do everything together.  So Lily would start to potty on the floor...we would pick her up and take her to the potty to finish. As Landon is taking her to the bathroom, Lauren is running behind him slipping and sliding all over the place.  In Pee.  This happened several times and is now funny to me...but was not funny at the time.  I started to feel crazy by the end of the day.  

Monday - First day alone.  Thankfully GiGi came to the rescue and took Brooke on Sunday and took her to school Tuesday morning.  Please if you try this, get help with the other kids you are not training.  All of your attention will be focused on the ones you are training.  There was not much improvement, and I was alone, frustrated and tired.  I called Landon that afternoon and told him I was going to quit and buy diapers.  They weren't getting it.  Thankfully I have a great support system - both Landon and my friend Melissa encouraged me to keep going....to be patient and they will get it.  Landon came home, I went to Target to aimlessly walk around and clear my head.  We put the girls to bed and I prayed Tuesday would be better.

Tuesday - The morning started out with dry pull-ups (I didn't take the plunge to have them wear panties at night)! We only had one accident that morning, and woke up from naps dry.  There was an accident that afternoon and that was the last time I cleaned up the floor.  From that point on, they came to me and told me they had to go potty. They woke up from naps/nighttime dry and went #2 in the potty. Epic. I had my serious doubts with this system, but it honestly worked!

Since last Tuesday we have had only one accident during nap time.   I was nervous that we wouldn't be able to leave the house for a while because of the public restroom situation, but it hasn't been a problem.  The girls tell me when they have to go and (cringe) use the public restrooms like champs.  I'm sure there will be a few accidents along the way but they are doing FABULOUS with this big girl stuff.

Here are a few tips from our experience:

• Let them have the accidents.  They will learn to associate that urge to go, with the toilet when you take them as soon as they start to "go".  That's why you have to be constantly watching them...so you can catch it! 
• Don't ask them if they have to go potty.  Just remind them to keep their panties dry, and to let you know if they need to go potty.  Be prepared to say that phrase 274 times a day.
• Buy lots of panties, and don't use big sisters.  She will not like to share her panties.
• Find a reward that your kids love.  For #1 we used m&m's.  For #2/waking up dry we used disney princess tattoos.  The girls really loved it.
• Keep the disinfectant spray and paper towels close by.
• Be patient - they can tell when you are frustrated.  Try to stay positive and encouraging.  
• Ask for help with your non potty training kids (at least during the day).  Trust me on that one.
• Have a lot of activities/snacks/drinks on hand to get you through the day.  You want them to have a lot of opportunities to "potty" so they can catch on quicker. 
• Remember that it's okay if you don't clean/cook/shower/wear makeup/fix your hair for three days.  It's only three days.  No one will see you, unless you go to Target for a break...then  it is inevitable that you will see someone you know.
• Also remember that although you will be saving $$$, you will also have to visit every public restroom for the next couple years.  Invest in lots of hand sanitizer.

If any of you want to try this method, but need encouragement please don't hesitate to email or call me. I would love to help you along the way!