"half-baked"

Well we made it to the HALFWAY mark!  Every time I feel our sweet baby kick, I smile.  Which is a great thing....the last couple weeks have been a little rocky around here for me physically.  I have also really struggled with worry, fear and discouragement.   God is good ALL the time, and I can definitely say that I have been worse.  I'm really trying to enjoy this last pregnancy, soak in all the happy times, and trust in God to take care of my family.  God has reminded me over and over again how blessed we are.  How He always takes care of His children, and that HIS plans are best.  Those little kicks are a constant reminder to me of how amazing He is. 

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." 

Isaiah 26:3

I have my "big" ultrasound in two weeks....I can't wait to see our little guy in detail!  Of course I will update with pictures!!!

We are excited about preparing for our sweet little boy. Here is a little collage of a few of my favorite things....

My Girls // Summer is hard.  It's hot, we are bored, and I can only do so much physically.  Sometimes I feel guilty that I can't be "super mom" (or even normal mom) to them, but they know that I love them and that's what matters!  I have watched them adapt, and learn to play together.  Brooke is the Mommy, Lauren is the Daddy and Lily is the Baby.  And it's a HOOT.  Whenever the twins see me in pain or sick, they come and put their hand on my belly and tell me they love me.  It just doesn't get any better than that.  

Ralph Lauren // I love when my girls wear their clothes, but I have always gazed longingly into the baby boy section at the store.  It's just my favorite...there was a GREAT sale at the outlet in Texas and I just couldn't resist this cute polo.

Target // I have some pretty sweet friends that are throwing me a little baby shower.  I feel so honored and blessed.  I know this is my FOURTH baby after all.  :)  I registered for a few things at target, and received a great goodie bag with free products and coupons!!!

Boots //  Who knew the North Face made infant booties???  I just couldn't resist...

Diapers // I decided to order some diapers from The Honest Company.  They are plant based, non toxic disposable diapers AND they come in the cutest patterns! I used a 40% off coupon on my first "bundle" and then cancelled my subscription after I received my first shipment.  I'm excited to try them out!

Baby Steals // I'm not sure if any of you sign up to receive alerts from Baby Steals or not, but I LOVE their deals!  They have deals on great products like Aden + Anais, Petunia Pickle Bottom and Ergo!

***name update - we are still debating - this baby will have a name, even if it's after he arrives!***

Molly {a letter from a "mom to be"}

Meet Derek & Molly :: They are expecting their first little boy, Beaux in July!  Aren't they adorable?!?  I asked Molly to write a "Mom Series" post for me as an expecting mother.  These two....they LOVE kids and are so great with them.  My girls adore their Uncle D and Aunt MoMo.  The love that they have for their nieces and nephews is so amazing, I know that the love that they will have for their little boy will be far beyond measure.  Here's the letter that Molly wrote to her precious Beaux....

Dear Beaux,

Right now as I write this you are kicking me, which isn't saying much since this happens ALL the time with you.  Since I have been able to feel you kick on Valentines Day, you do it all day long.  Such a reassuring feeling that I will miss!!!

People are all about giving you advice when you are pregnant!  Which can be great and also tiring...

The greatest advice I have received is to cherish the moments that you are in.  I want to make sure to put this into action.  I do not want to wish away stages of your life.  As I sit here and look at my very round and growing belly, I'm reminded of this advice.  I've already found myself wishing away pregnancy so I can see you, but I need to enjoy the moments I have you all to myself while I can!  The last few months of this are not comfortable I will have to say...but I wouldn't trade it for anything!  The kicks and rolling make everything completely worth it.  I am so blessed that God decided to make me your mommy and I don't want to wish this part away!  The only time it's just me and you all the time.  :)

I honestly didn't think I could get pregnant, we weren't trying but God knew what was best for us, and knew this time was perfect.  We are going to have to grow up and raise a baby!  I can't say I am ready, because I'm definitely not!!!  But God said I am, and gave me one of the greatest gifts...YOU!  My whole life I dreamed about being pregnant and being a mommy, it's really what I've always wanted to do.  I love children, and I can't believe I finally will have one of my own that I will love even more than I can ever imagine.  I am so incredibly grateful for what God has given me and I don't want to take a single minute for granted!

I can't wait until you are out and I can see your precious face, but until then I'm going to take this time to appreciate your precious kicks, hiccups, hitting and rolling that you like to do so well!  I know that I'm going to miss being pregnant and feeling you inside of me, and I don't want to wish that away.  I can't wait until you can crawl, walk, talk to me, and until you play a sport I can take you to.  So many memories, I want to treasure each stage you are in and remember everything I can, which means I must pretty much write everything down!

Love,
Mommy

His Plans...

When I look at these photographs, tears come to my eyes.  Being a mom of three can be a struggle at times, but the blessings definitely outweigh those hard times.  I am also reminded of how great His plan is for each of us is.  When Landon and I got married, we "planned" to wait a couple years to start trying to get pregnant.  Well, God had something greater for us and her name was Brooke.  Even on birth control, I became pregnant with her soon after our wedding.  That day wasn't full of excitement for Landon and I.  We sat on our couch crying, wondering how we were going to be parents.  It took a few days for us, but we started to get excited about our little "bean".  We also weren't prepared for the horrible pregnancy I was about to encounter.  During my pregnancies I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum.  I spent several times in the emergency room, and a couple overnight stays in the hospital getting fluids during this pregnancy.  God was so good to us and kept Brooke perfectly healthy.  She is such a blessing to us with her sweet spirit and loving heart.  

We knew we didn't want Brooke to be an only child, but our plan was to have only two children close together.  We tried for almost 8 months, which I know isn't that long compared to many of you, but it seemed like an eternity to us!  We were overjoyed when we found out we were expecting again.  Those next couple weeks were a trial for us as I was extremely sick, and was in the emergency room for a LOT of bleeding.  I went to Tulsa for HCG tests every other day, since there was no other way to tell if the pregnancy was still viable.  At 8 weeks, we waited in the ultrasound room just praying that the baby was alive.  Not only did we see one babies heartbeat, we saw TWO.  God had blessed us greatly, and again we saw that our plans are not always HIS plans.  Our family was about to go from three to five!  Countless emergency room visits, hospital stays, trips to the cancer treatment center for nutrients, many precious prayers and twenty weeks of bed rest later we met our beautiful twin girls Lily & Lauren.  They were born at 36 1/2 weeks and never saw the NICU.  Wow, His goodness, love and strength are so amazing.

Brooke is almost five, and the twins will be three in June!  I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.  I sometimes questioned if we would have another baby in the future.  Over the last six months, I had a peace in my heart that we would not be having any more children.  I was a little sad, but after potty training the girls and selling every baby item we had in our home I knew that I was ready to focus on the girls and our future together. 

 Did I mention that our plans are not always HIS plans???

Rewind to April Fools Day.  I have been having some problems physically (to spare the details) since the twins were born.  Even though I didn't think it was possible, I had an overwhelming feeling to take a pregnancy test.  I packed the kids up in the car and headed to wal-mart.  Yep.  You guessed it.  It was positive.  

Is my husband going to believe me, it's April Fools???

What are we going to do?

We just sold EVERYTHING baby!

What is everyone going to think about us???

Sigh.  Sadly, those were the first thoughts that came to mind.  I called Landon (i wish i had that conversation recorded) and he brought home more tests.  Yep, no false positives.   It took a few hours to get over the shock.  It was a comfort to know that God wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle, and this was no surprise to Him!  Children are blessings, and I know He is going to give us everything we need to take care of this little one. We saw the doctor a few days later and our little baby was 6 weeks old!  He or she will be here right before Thanksgiving! Believe it or not, Landon is hoping for another girl!  We will be equally excited either way, although I would love to experience that mother/son relationship!

The girls are all of course, expecting a little sister and love talking about the baby!

Thanks to medication, I am feeling a lot better than my other pregnancies.  I have gotten to see our little baby 3 times already, and it never gets old.  Seeing his/her little heart beating is the most amazing miracle.  We have had amazing family and friends encourage us along the way.  I'm so thankful for His blessings, and that His plan that is greater than anything I could ever imagine.  

Our sweet baby at 10 weeks - may be a soccer player - look at that kick!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a FUTURE and a HOPE."

-Jeremiah 29:11-

january {in an instagram}

Wow - where did January go?!?  For us, the breathing treatments and sleepless nights left us in a haze.  January was a pretty rough month physically on our family, but we had some pretty sweet times regardless.  We spent a LOT of time at home, worked on projects, painted, crafted and took road trips to get coffee.  I'm so thankful Lily and Lauren are past the RSV, lung infection and MAJOR ear infections. I'm also thankful that they are pretty tough cookies.  They took those three (long) weeks like champs.  God is good in every situation. It really made me more aware of praying for my friends that have very SICK children - children with heart defects, chronic lung problems, cancer, pnemonia, etc - and it made our trial look so small.  I'm thankful for his love and strength during that time, and for the many prayers of our family and friends!

Here's a few pictures from my instagram account of our month!  I was inspired by my friend Marybeth to create a picture collage in black and white.  I always love looking at her weekend updates in black and white collage form.   She has a great tutorial here.  

We said goodbye (yes I cried) to the cribs.  The twins took over the bunk bed in Brooke's room, and we did a makeover on Brooke's "new" room.  We sold the newer crib, dresser, quilt, crib mattresses, and purchased a beautiful headboard and french provincial dresser for her room.  We ended up paying nothing out of pocket to re-do her room (yippee!) thanks to craigslist steals and clearance buys. We did save Brooke/Lauren's crib to repurpose.  I hope to make a bench with the crib, and we made a picture/bow/artwork holder with the crib springs.  

I really would love to start a new "series".  I get a lot of emails from you when I write about what God is teaching in my life.  Although it is hard, I like to be transparent, hoping that something I have learned from God's word is an encouragent to someone else.  I would like to feature one mom every Monday - someone who is willing to share what God is teaching her as a parent or as a wife.  I would love to write more, but just don't have the time to commit.  I think it would be great to hear from other women in all walks of life (expecting, new mom, mom to teenagers, grandmas) who are willing to share what God is doing in their lives.  If you are interested in sharing, please email me!  

18 month Update

I still have a hard time believing we have been blessed with twins. I look at these girls everyday and am so thankful for the joy they have brought to our lives! I have been given the amazing opportunity to watch them become their own little people...each with their own personality. They have a special little bond with each other...they look for each other when they wake up in the morning and do almost everything together. In a few blinks they will be 2...time is going by so quickly and I am trying to soak in these sweet moments with my "babies".

just a year ago...

Brooke couldn't wait to meet her "babies"

Oh this was about 2 days before I had the babies. Ready to POP!

Our little family of THREE!

One of the happiest moments of my life...meeting #2 & #3

Just a year ago I was anxiously awaiting the date of our scheduled c-section set for June 10, 2010. The week was filled with trips to the doctor, special ultrasounds, and visits to the cancer treatment center for vitamin infusions. I spent a lot of time laying in bed and floating in the pool to keep those girls baking as long as possible. We tried to spend as much time with Brooke before we rocked her world by adding TWO babies to our little home. I remember just crying on our bed with Landon the night before the big day. I was feeling every emotion possible...I was excited, fearful, nervous, anxious, and relieved we had made it so far. Let's just say my pregnancy was so physically painful I did not take any pain medication stronger than tylenol after my section. It just didn't seem like anything in comparison to the previous 36 weeks. Every minute of those 36 weeks was completely worth it and forgotten when I heard those little cries in that operating room. It all seemed like such a little sacrifice for such a BIG blessing.

Today....almost a year later I am in awe of how I can love 3 little girls SO much. They have each brought such joy to our lives. Parenting has shown us how inadequate we are without the Lord's strength. He has provided for our every need and has given us the strength and love to get through each day. We are excited to celebrate this first year that the Lord has graciously given us with our sweet little girls.

Crazy Parents at midnight...

This is Lauren happy as can be!

Freely giving some sweet kisses!

There are a few questions we have answered a few hundred times since we added the twins to our family.

1. Are they twins? Hmm....no...they just look exactly the same and are the same size.

2. Are they boys? Sure....boys with earrings, pink damask car seats, pink shirts and bows stuck to their head with KY jelly.

3. Do you get any sleep at night? This is one question that Landon and I avoided answering directly. We tried not to "jinx" ourselves by answering completely. To be honest the girls have been sleeping through the night at about 8 weeks old. Since we did our best to keep them on the same feeding/napping/sleeping schedule they would sleep and wake around the same time. God really blessed us with babies who slept at night. He knew we needed all the strength to take care of the kids the next day!

All that to say....every couple nights Landon and I go into the twins room and pick up a sleeping baby. Just to hold them. They immediately wake up. They will not allow us to rock them to sleep or hold them while they are sleeping. They just smile and play for a couple minutes with us in bed until we put them back in their cribs. So we are pretty crazy for waking our babies up in the middle of the night while they are sleeping so soundly...but we just love that sweet couple of minutes with our sweet little babies. They won't be little for long!

Landon's 26th Birthday!

We all had a fun time celebrating Landon's birthday "week"! I am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband....we had to make his big 26 special!

Landon & his birthday cake!

Breakfast at Chick-fil-a with the girls!

P.F. Changs date! We had a great time!

Daddy & his four girls - We just love him!

My Pregnancy Story

Delivery Day! 5:45, and SO happy to meet my girls

I just can't explain the relief that I felt hearing these screams!

My sweet girls

9 months ago I was 9 months pregnant with the twins. It is so hard to believe how quickly the time as gone by! I have had so many friends ask about my pregnancies...so I thought I would share a little bit about that with you all. I hope it will encourage you!

Landon and I have been married for 41 months. Out of those 41 months, I was pregnant for 18 and nursing for 21. So for almost 40 of those months, I was either throwing up on an hourly basis, or eating everything in sight to keep up with my milk supply. Added to that are the hormones that can get out of control. He got one month of "normal", and that was the first month of our marriage in the "honeymoon stage"! Poor husband.

With both pregnancies, I had extreme problems with keeping food down. I threw up the entire pregnancies several times a day. Hyperemesis Gravidarum is the medical term for what the doctor diagnosed me with. This pregnancy had a rocky start. At week 5, after a lot of bleeding and my first ER visit, we weren't sure if we were still pregnant. I had my HCG levels checked every other day. They seemed to rise slightly under the normal rate, and certainly not at the rate of a twin pregnancy. The next 3 weeks were the longest weeks of waiting. At 8 weeks we saw the heartbeat...of TWO babies. We were so relieved and shocked at the same time. While pregnant with the twins, my body could hardly keep up with the pregnancy. I was in and out of the urgent care/emergency room...getting fluids twice a week. My doctor threatened to put me on feeding tubes every week if I did not start gaining a pound a week. Every week I would pray that I would gain the weight so I would not have to stay in the hospital. At week 20, I was placed on bed rest. For me, that was the hardest thing to face...especially with a very active 1 year old. Every time I stood up and walked around, I would immediately start having contractions. I knew that I needed to obey his orders for the health of the twins. By week 30 I really struggled with Anemia and malnutrition. I was so anemic, the doctor didn't even know how I was standing without passing out. I had to visit the cancer treatment center to receive IV's for Iron and other nutrients. I was in so much pain, but in the midst of all these physical trials the Lord really made His love clear to our family. I knew that this pain and suffering was only temporary. In just a few short months I would get to hold two of the sweetest baby girls in my arms and forget about it all.

How did we get through this time? Only by HIS strength and grace. My husband is amazing. He always encouraged me, kept me calm, reminded me of truth, helped with the house, did the dishes, played with Brooke and loved me sacrificially on a daily basis. God gave me such a gift when He gave me Landon. I can't even begin to count the number of people who prayed for us during those long months. I am so thankful for a mom who couldn't always be near, but prayed very fervently for my family. I am also thankful for a mother-in-law who also prayed, but was also a true servant to us. We moved into the Miller's home when I was placed on bed rest. Poppy and Gi Gi helped us all through a very hard time, and gave sacrificially by sharing their home with us. Our church family prayed for us, and also sent ladies to help me once a week for almost 8 months! We are thankful for our friends and family who were an encouragement by sending notes, emails and cards and uplifting us in prayer. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16.

June 10, 2010 we finally got to meet Lily & Lauren. Born by C-Section at week 36. Lily was 5'10 & Lauren was 6'1". Despite the physical problems I went through...two HEALTHY baby girls were born. They stayed in our room with us and never saw the NICU. After 3 days we were sent home! I refused any pain medication after the C-Section because I was determined to nurse the girls. I knew the medication would make me loopy, and I didn't want any chance of the girls getting any traces of it. Honestly...it was painful, but not as painful as the last 9 months. What is amazing is that immediately after both pregnancies, I was able to eat like a normal person and keep food down again. AH....food has never tasted so good.

Nursing was a big challenge because of my nutrition issues. I was determined, but I also knew that it might not be a possibility. We tried to stay positive and just try as hard as we could. After a lot of prayer and determination, I am so thankful to say...they are 9 months old next week and have been breastfed exclusively! Another answer to prayer.

Lily & Lauren have brought such joy to our lives. They are a miracle and blessing from God. I wanted to share my story with you all, and also thank you for all your prayers and encouragement!

FOUR MONTHS!

I just can't believe the twins are 4 months old. Time is flying by, and we are trying to enjoy this baby stage as much as possible. The girls are SO SWEET. God has blessed us with 2 very sweet babies, and 1 very loving big sister (even though she has her moments). Everything looked great at their 4 month check-up! They are climbing the scales...Lily is 11.9 and Lauren is 12.2. They are both 24 inches long, and Lauren's head is still bigger. :O) For all of you who have asked the twins are IDENTICAL. Their Dr. said they were, and 3 OBGYN specialists said they were. Just thought I would confirm that for everyone. Time to get back to my sweeties...hope y'all have a great weekend!

The best birthday gifts...

Last week I turned 28. My amazing husband took off a couple hours and took me to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch! I am so blessed by my sweet family. Everything I have ever wanted/needed, I ALREADY HAVE! My sweet Brooke will be 2 in less than a month, and my baby girls arrived healthy 2 months ago. I don't deserve such a sweet family....I'm so thankful God has blessed us in so many ways!