Thursday, June 27, 2013

Learning through Motherhood....

Here's a little glimpse of our "crazy" week....

While the twins were supposed to be napping, Lauren decides to climb up to Lily's bunk and BITE her in the back - clearly a round circle that was already starting to bruise.  We have a biting problem.

While Landon was at music practice last night, I sat on the couch from 6:30 - 7:30 disciplining kids for fighting, whining, biting and screaming.  I decided that before I lost my sanity I should probably put them to bed early.  Distraught after a long day I sat in my bed eating M&M's while sobbing.  Thankfully Landon wasn't home for that one...he sees enough drama and tears.

I set my alarm clock this morning for 5:30 and didn't even hear it until 5:42.  Rascal Flatts sang to me for 12 minutes straight.  Thankfully I wore my "workout outfit" to bed so I could go straight to Walmart with crazy hair and no makeup.  I'm such a planner.  Yes, I'm that desperate to go to the store before Landon goes to work so I can avoid taking the kids. 

I got home just in time to watch Landon leave our room for work.  Half dressed.  And then I remembered our load of clean laundry that has been sitting in the dryer for two days.  And I smile (and cry a little bit) because I realize that I have an amazing husband that doesn't even care.  He just digs out something (now wrinkled) from the dryer and heads to work.  And then texts me later this morning and tells me I'm awesome (?!?!?). 

When I think of adding a fourth lately, I get a little overwhelmed.  Then I laugh at this line from Jim Gaffigan:

"Want to know what it's like to have a fourth?  Just imagine you are drowning, and them someone hands you a baby...."

So funny, but seriously how I feel these days.  If you need a laugh, you should click on his will take you to a video clip.  

This morning, I picked up "Out of the Spin Cycle" by Jen Hatmaker and started reading one of my favorite chapters (Chapter 7, in case you have the book)

"Motherhood is like a pitcher with a whole in the bottom: a constant drain on our energy, patience, and tolerance. If nothing good is stored up, where are we possibly going to draw patience?  Grace?  Longsuffering?  young motherhood is too demanding to attempt without a deep connection to Christ."

{photo via pinterest}
As I was praying this morning, I remembered the sweet couple that lost their baby girl yesterday.  The family whose baby boy is struggling in the hospital and needs a heart transplant.  Sweet Rosalie who is still sleeping.  It really puts things into perspective for me.  Regardless of how badly my days go, I still have three sweet babies to tuck into bed, to bathe, to laugh with, and to discipline. I can wake up to three, beautiful, sweet (sometimes naughty) girls.  They need Jesus, but most of all they need to see a mommy who strives to be like Jesus.  I need to put good in, and good will flow out.  I become thankful....thankful for the great opportunity God has given me to be a mother.  Thankful for these hard times, where He teaches me that He is enough.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
II Corinthians 12:9

Monday, June 24, 2013

It's a BOY!!!!

We found out Friday afternoon that baby #4 is a BOY!  I'm still in a little bit of unbelief.  I mean, we had plans for a girl.  Her name would be Charlotte (we would call her Charlie), her hair would probably be red, and her room would be decorated in gold & coral.  :)  Everyone who knows me, knows I have always wanted boys.  God gave us three girls, and that is now my comfort zone.  I was sure #4 was a girl, but I am so elated that it's a boy!  I know that a mother/son relationship is so special and I can't wait to experience it!

Here's my sweet baby boy sucking his thumb.  He did this throughout the entire ultrasound.  When they turned on the 4D, he looked like a miniature Landon.  The twins were playing on the floor oblivious, but Brooke watched the entire time in awe of this little baby moving around the screen.  I can't wait to see their faces when they meet their baby brother.  

A few ways this pregnancy has been completely different:
*The cravings in the first trimester.  I didn't eat much, but when I did all I wanted to eat was meat, chips and biscuits and gravy.  I had to stop myself from driving to McDonalds everyday to get sausage and gravy biscuits.  I'm not a huge meat eater, so I'm thankful those cravings have ended!  
*I am not nearly as sick as with the other two pregnancies.  I'm so thankful as I have 3 girls to take care of!  I found out that the extreme pain I was having is my gull bladder.  If I am very careful what I eat, I can avoid the problems there.
*I felt the baby at 14 weeks.  That is SO early for me!  I love having the constant company though - it's always so reassuring to me to feel those little kicks and bumps!

Such a sweet little face!  I'm so thankful for this blessing that God has given us.  Every little milestone is still so exciting to me - I can actually enjoy them even more this time since I'm not in/out of the hospital and on bed rest!  Our family is complete with two very handsome bookends! I know he will be just like his daddy!

I also want to thank everyone for all your emails, congrats, posts on facebook and especially your PRAYERS. They are very much appreciated!!!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Pregnancy Update (almost) 17 weeks!

Here's the latest "bump" photo.  The ruffles really help disguise my in-between belly.  I may/may not have worn that shirt 3 times last week.  Thursday will bring week 17 AND a Doctor's appointment.  I'm excited/anxious to see if Dr. Baab will be able to tell us the gender!  I'm hoping that baby will cooperate!  Brooke has officially decided that she wants a baby brother.  Of course, that could change tomorrow.  Either way, the girls are going to be the sweetest big sisters to this little one!

A few funny things....

Brooke keeps asking when my belly will get bigger.  She told me... "Are you sure there is a baby in there?  Because it doesn't look like it."  Oh honey - it will get bigger soon enough....

Sunday at church I started getting cramps/stomach pains.  I think a huge contributor was the fact that I stuffed myself into a pair of "normal" pants, and really should stop denying the fact that I need to wear maternity pants.  Sigh.

Sweet Lily, when she sees me sick or in pain, she asks me "Is your baby hurting?".  It's just the cutest thing.

A few not so funny things...

The last week has been a rough one for my physically.  Whenever I start to get discouraged, I try to remember that I've been worse.   I started feeling a lot of pressure/sharp pains/chest pains over the last couple days.  Monday was a very hard day for me, but I did NOT want to miss VBS.  I called my doctor, and they wanted me to come in to do labs the next morning, so I just kept trucking along.  The kids in our group at VBS have stolen my I forced myself to get to church.  We went to the church dinner, and as soon as we got to our station to receive our group, I started having trouble breathing.  I told Landon I had to go to the emergency room and make sure that everything was okay.  Thankfully, the hospital is just a mile away....I drove myself there so Landon could stay and work.  

They did an ultrasound first and thankfully baby was doing GREAT and bouncing around!!!
All the labs came back great as well, so I felt so silly thinking there was something seriously wrong.  Slightly dehydrated, but other than that everything looked great.  Better safe than sorry, right?  I know I need to slow down a little and take it easy.  

I have been so blessed this pregnancy.  I don't feel great, but like I said I have been so much worse.  In comparison, God has been so good to allow me to feel well enough to take care of my family!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Lily & Lauren turn THREE!

These two turned THREE Monday.  I can still remember every detail the morning I met Lily and Lauren.  They were each their own little person, yet so much alike....

Lily was born first.  She was the smaller, more active twin.  She is still exactly the same...she will most definitely be our sporty girl.  She is shy, sensitive, soft spoken, sweet and loves to touch.  

Lauren came out a minute later.  She was always the twin I had to poke to get a response while she was in my belly.  She is still that way...pretty laid back most of the time.  She is a girly girl, and is Brooke's biggest fan.  She is sweet, sassy, loud, sensitive, dramatic and loves to give hugs.  

It's been such fun watching these two grow up together.  They are no longer babies, but now growing into little ladies.  I love to watch them interact with each other - there is such a special bond between them!  

I'm so thankful God chose me to be there Mom.  God has taught me so much through each one of my children.  These two have taught me how to laugh and enjoy these little years.  

Monday, June 10, 2013

Tiffany {Chloe's Story}

I first of all want to thank Tammy for posting my story on her blog. I’ve been meaning to post this on my own blog for the past couple of months, but time has just gotten away from me. Imagine that?!  
When Nate (my husband) and I talked about getting pregnant with our second baby, we were hoping to have our children close in age because we were (and still are) hoping that they become fast friends! Our two babies are just about 18 months apart. Our oldest, Eliana, turned 2 in March and Chloe (the sweet little baby this story is about) is now 9 months old.  
My pregnancy with Chloe went by fast and without a single hitch. I had more energy than I did with my first pregnancy, my belly didn’t get as big, I didn’t gain as much weight, and I was still able to stay super active and busy right up until the day before Chloe was born. I mean, I went to a college soccer game, Red Robin, and Starbucks two nights before Chloe made her way into this world. 
{our last picture as a family of 3}
Chloe ended up coming 10 days early…well, technically 3 days early since I was supposed to be getting induced a week before my due date. My actual due date was September 12th, and Chloe was born on Sunday, September 2, 2013. Nate is a soccer coach and he had games before and after my due date and there was no way was I going to have this baby while he was away on a trip, so we planned my induction.
We were actually at church when I started to feel contractions. They were no different from the other contractions that I had been feeling except I was having some back labor as well. Nate suggested that we stop by the hospital so I could get checked since we were already in town. I didn’t want to because I didn’t feel like staying the night in the hospital and then being sent home the next day, but we decided to go since we were in town. (We live about 40 minutes from the hospital.) We got to the hospital around noon and the nurse checked me as soon as we got there and I was dilated to 5 cm. She looked at me and said, “Honey, you’ve having this baby today.” I was completely shocked and caught off guard! I definitely didn’t think my contractions were actually putting me into labor, but they were! So long story short, my labor with Chloe was a walk in the park.  I feel almost bad saying that, but it’s true! I was already dilated to 7 cm and I was still feeling no real pain. It wasn’t until right after the Doctor came and broke my water and I started to feel some “real” contractions. They were quite uncomfortable, but I received the epidural about 10 minutes later and I was feeling good…REALLY good… Chloe was born less than an hour later. It took 3 pushes to get her out, and total pushing time was 5 minutes. And I got to watch it…it was absolutely amazing. Nothing can compare to watching your precious baby enter the world. It was so surreal and beautiful.                                        
{My first picture with Chloe}
Right off the bat, things with Chloe were a little scary. When it came time to nurse her for the first time, she did great and latched on right away, but then I noticed she stopped sucking. I looked down at her and noticed she was turning blue. Thankfully there was still a nurse in the room with us and she came right over, picked her up and started to suction out her mouth. Within a few seconds she was breathing again. This happened one more time about 20 minutes later, so the doctor decided to put her under the monitor to check and make sure there was nothing seriously wrong. It was from that moment that things with Chloe gradually went down hill. The pediatrician on call came back into our room about an hour later and told us that Chloe had picked up a virus in the birthing canal and that she needed to be on medication with an IV. This Doctor had told us that Chloe would be on meds for no more than 3 days and then we could go home. He then told us that she had to stay in the nursery, not in our room, but we could go in and see her/hold her anytime we wanted. They didn’t know why she had turned blue and started choking those two times, so they wanted to monitor that as well. Because of her being on the IV for the virus, and because they were unsure why she had started choking, they started giving her sugar water through her IV as well because they didn’t think she could handle my milk at that time. Those things were really hard for me to deal with. First, I couldn’t have my baby in the room with us, no one but Nate or I were able to hold her, and I couldn’t even nurse her. I wasn’t sure what God was teaching us, but I just kept praying that we would be able to go home soon! Well the next day, things definitely didn’t go as planned. There was a new pediatrician on call and right off the bat we were not set at ease when he walked in room, especially me. He came in and tried to explain to us (in not very clear English) that Chloe’s heart rate would drop to a low rate at times and that it could be a potential problem with her heart or it might not be. He wasn’t convincing either way. So now I’m thinking, “Ok, my baby picked up a virus, she’s on meds, I can’t nurse her, and now she might have a problem with her heart?? Lord, what’s going on?” Because Chloe was hooked up to the monitors to check her breathing (because of her turning blue) they also monitored her heart rate and that’s when they noticed that it would get really low at times and that caused some concern…but only with the doctor. My normal pediatrician with the girls came and checked on Chloe (even when it wasn’t her shift) and she assured me that we would be out in a couple of days because Chloe seemed well to her. Some babies are just born with a lower resting heartbeat, and once she’s done with the meds, she should be good to go. That was an encouragement. But those encouraging feelings didn’t last too long. The next morning (this is now Tuesday) The Doctor (I’ll just him Doctor T for our story) came back into the room and now informed us that Chloe was jaundiced and we’ll have to stay in the hospital to make sure her results from the blood test come back with a low enough number. And I was thinking, “Well that’s okay, because we’re already in the hospital and we have to stay here till at least tomorrow, so I’m glad they found it out now.” But that wasn’t all Doctor T had to tell us. He then informed us that when he was monitoring Chloe he was pretty sure he heard a murmur, so he told us that he would be running and EKG and an Echocardiogram to check on her heart. What a blow that was to me physically, mentally and spiritually. I didn’t know how much else I could handle. I didn’t want that Doctor coming into our room anymore, because it seemed like every time he came in he had more bad news to tell us. The one thing I was sort of holding on to was that she should be done with her meds by Wednesday, so hopefully we would be going home sometime that next day. Well Wednesday came and I was actually sitting in the nursery trying to nurse Chloe…that was one good thing that happened- I was actually able to start trying to nurse her because they had been giving her my breast milk by syringe since Tuesday and she had done really well with that….when Doctor T walked in and informed me that I wouldn’t be leaving till Thursday at the earliest because he upped the amount of time she needed to be on the meds, and he said we couldn’t leave until her heard the results from the EKG and Echocardiogram. Oh how I wanted to go home! It almost hurt thinking about having to stay in the hospital for another night, maybe two. Another thing that happened on Wednesday is that one of the nurses came in and told us that Chloe hadn’t passed her hearing test and that they would be trying again on Thursday. It was just one thing after another. I never questioned God’s goodness, but oh how I prayed that a miracle would happen, that Chloe would be found totally healthy and that we could leave the hospital and go home. Every time a doctor or nurse came into the room to talk to us, I felt almost emotionless because I was just waiting for the bad news to come, but as soon as they would leave I would break down crying. I felt so weak, so inadequate and I was so scared. I tried so hard not to cry because I didn’t want to let myself give in to that feeling of weakness in my mind, but there were times that I just absolutely couldn’t hold it in. A dear friend of mine, Jennifer Hotchkin texted me these verses and I clung to them. Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” And Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”
{Chloe with her leads on, and marks from the mask from being under the lights for jaundice}
Chloe’s EKG and Echocardiogram came back normal, her jaundice went down enough for us to go home, she was done with her meds, but her heart rate was still a little low, which only caused concern from Dr. T who made us come home with an apnea monitor. This monitor had to be attached to Chloe with 2 leads and it was programmed to beep an alarm anytime her heart rate went above a certain number or dropped below a certain number. The alarm seriously sounded like a fire alarm, it was that loud and scared me half to death anytime it went off. It caused more panic for me when the alarm went off then when she wasn’t even hooked up to it and I couldn’t monitor her heart rate. After Chloe being hooked up to it for 1 day we decided to take her off the monitor. Neither one of us really thought that there was anything wrong with her heart, I think the Doctor couldn’t explain everything that went wrong with Chloe so he had to prescribe something. God gave us this baby and He could easily take her away from us whether or not she was hooked up to a monitor.
{Getting ready to go home!}
Chloe’s first week at home was great! And at her 2 week check up she was almost a pound over her birth weight! She was eating and gaining weight like a champ! But the day after she turned 2 weeks old things started to take a quick turn for the worst. She started crying. Chloe never really cried. She was the “good, quiet” baby in the nursery at the hospital. And it wasn’t just normal crying like she was hungry or had a dirty diaper. It was a non-stop crying. She started to not sleep either. I figured her nights and days were mixed up, but after a week of continual crying and not sleeping, I knew something was really wrong. Thankfully she had her 1 month appointment coming up and I explained everything to the doctor and she gave me the horrible news that Chloe had colic and most likely some form of acid reflux. My heart dropped, especially when she told me that colic usually peaks at 6 weeks and usually ends at 12 weeks. Chloe was only 4 weeks old! You mean to tell me that I have 8 more weeks of this?! I’m going to be honest. Those next 8 weeks were some of the hardest/darkest days I have EVER gone through. There were two weeks in particular...weeks 5 and 6…where Chloe was up most of the night screaming and there was nothing I could do. I tried to ignore it and sleep through it, which never worked, I tried to hold her and rock her- that didn’t work either. Nothing worked. She just cried and cried and cried. I can remember one specific night where I was standing next to our bed rocking a swaddled, screaming baby and I was bawling and pouring my heart out to God. I remember asking him why he even allowed me to be pregnant with her, why I had to go through such a hard first week with her in the hospital, while God would punish me with such an awful baby and the list goes on and on. The feelings I had towards Chloe were so selfish and almost un- Christian that it caused me to doubt my salvation, because how could a Christian really act like how I was acting. I was completely sleep-deprived, exhausted to a point where I was almost delusional at times and I felt like a completely failure as a mom and as a wife. I have never experienced a darker time in my life. I felt so alone and I truly believed that I was a failure at the one thing I believed God called me to be.
I am SO thankful for the love and grace of God. He never abandoned me. I was never alone. He was and always is right there beside me. He was with me during my almost textbook delivery, to my emotional week in the hospital, to the night where I questioned everything about who I was. God never stopped loving me and he knew that I can handle whatever trial He sends my way because He is with me and will help to guide me through it.
I am also beyond thankful for the love of my husband. He was a constant encouragement and rock during those hard times. I really don’t know what I would’ve done without him.
{Family Photo September 2013}
I am also very thankful for the gift of music. I was on my way to one of Eliana’s appointments in town (Taylor Ollila babysat Chloe. It was huge for me to get a break from her every once and a while) and I was listening to the local Christian radio station on our way into town and a song came on that absolutely hit me right where I was. I have never had a song speak to me the way that song did. I felt like God was with me and was giving me that song when I needed it most. I broke down and cried almost the whole way into town.
I’m going to end my story with the lyrics of the song.
Stronger: by Mandisa
Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you Stronger

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

Chloe was officially out of her colic stage right after she turned 3 months. It was like she was a completely different baby! Such a blessing.  Her jaundice completely went away and she has not any any problems with her heart even in the slightest. I am just so thankful to God for this sweet little baby he has given me to love and train. Life with Chloe has been far from perfect, I've definitely still had my ups and downs, but I'm thankful for a loving father who has blessed me with a loving, patient husband and two sweet little girls. I am blessed.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

What Really Matters

{image via pinterest}
I've been thinking a lot the last couple weeks about what REALLY matters.  It's so easy to get caught up in the things of the world.  It is so easy as a woman to get caught up in Pinterest, Blogs, Facebook and Instagram.  Whether we realize it or not, these amazing technologies can have a negative effect on our thinking and our hearts.  For me, I begin to compare myself to others, feel inadequate, question myself as a mother, and feel like I need to be doing "more".  The last couple weeks the sermons at church have really had an impact on changing the way I think about these things.  

I wrote a little bit about the sermon on prayer a couple weeks ago.  I decided that instead of checking my phone first thing in the morning for emails, facebook, instagram notifications....I would go to my closet every morning and start my day with prayer.  It's amazing how it has already transformed my thought life and my relationships.  

This week the pastor spoke on the church of Laodicea and their lukewarmness.  With all the tornados that have occurred in our area, He brought up such an important question.  If I lost everything, would I still have everything?  How many things do I have that don't matter?  Where is my identity found?  My identity in Christ can never be taken away from me.  It's amazing how I can get caught up in the things of this world.  Why does it matter how many friends I have?  MY dreams?  How amazing my house looks?  How many people follow me on _____?   These are tough questions to answer, as they have held a huge importance in my life.  These are all good things, but as I answer them I feel silly and selfish when I realize the importance they hold in my life.

A few questions the pastor asked at the end of his sermon on being lukewarm.  

Do you spend more time thinking about making money and managing it, than how you can be a blessing to others?

When I struggle, or am tempted, do I want to face it alone?  Do I allow others to come beside me, do I search the word for counsel?  Do I gather people around me who will tell me what Christ says, not what the world says?

When I have small sins that linger in my soul, do I find myself with the desire to repent of them, or do I find myself excusing them away?

When I look at what really matters, I realize how rich I am.  I have Christ.  He has forgiven me and continues to forgive me.  I have an amazing family that God has given me.  I have friends that point me to truth and encourage me spiritually.  He has given me enough...maybe not everything I want, but most definitely everything I need.  

"Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.  So be earnest and repent.  Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. "
Revelation 3:20

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Teal and Co. {and a great deal!}

Last weekend I got to take a few photos for my friend Liz and her business Teal and Co.  Liz and I have been friends since Nissi and Brooke were sweet little babies.  We met in child birthing class, found each other in walmart soon after the girls were born, started Teal and Co. together, and now she runs the business on her own and is doing an AMAZING job with all her beautiful masterpieces.


I love all the patriotic colors - perfect for July 4th!!!

It's amazing to see how much these two have grown into beautiful young ladies over the last few years..     

Teal and Co.  is featured on Very Jane TODAY!!! Go HERE to get these fabulous bow ties at an amazing price!  Snatch them up in every color!

Make sure to like Teal on facebook!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Jill {letting go}

Letting Go… to Watch Them Grow
Last August marked a new life event. My baby girl got engaged to her dream guy! We all knew this was coming. Almost from day one, she was sure he was “the one.” No unrest or anxieties involved with this relationship. It was very assuring to see God work in their lives and in the details of their relationship to confirm that He was orchestrating it all. We were all on board. It was and is a very happy and wonderful time. What follows is an ordinary mom’s perspective and the transition involved.
{last sippy cup in our house}
Engagement is such a joyful event. You really are thrilled in every way that your daughter is going to spend the rest of her life with the guy whom you’ve prayed for - for years. It’s a very special time for a mother to be a part of her daughter’s biggest dreams and plans. What a sweeter blessing could there be! Yet, in the midst of all the happiness, I sensed a change coming.

I felt like we had done our best (not perfectly mind you) to raise this child with all the morals, values and beliefs we’ve held near and dear. We attended every school function, every game, every violin recital, every church activity, and every kind of banquet. We took her to church, sent her to a private school, had family devotions, and tried to make as many special family memories as we could through the years. Yes, we’ve poured our life into this child. No reason to feel anything but sheer joy, right?
For some reason, this event later brought some feelings I was unprepared for. The transition is subtle, but it moves right deep into your heart, undeniably so. This daughter is going from a place where you had all the say - to a place outside of that. Yes, slowly, but surely. You watch up close, yet feel at a distance as you see her growing up and moving on to a new life. She is starting to live out the “cleaving” process. And, this is right and good in every respect, especially biblically. As you watch, you realize this new life status means she’s moved into adulthood. So now you are faced with a choice in the way you parent and relate. Is this easy? No way. You’ve cared for and nurtured this child since day one. Now parenting will take on a whole new twist. It becomes more about their choices and decisions, not yours. Ouch.

It is easy to feel a little “left behind” while this transition takes place. Pity-party you ask? I guess I was feeling maybe the reality of the fact that I wasn’t “all that” any longer. Humbling is a good way to describe it. However, in the midst of reconciling all that, it is comforting to know that God is really at work, in your very own heart. He is my Father, ready and waiting to give His sweet grace to me. Let’s be honest, it’s not about me (or you). What I started to see more starkly than ever was that in order for her to grow and become what God intends for her in life, I must step back. I must let her join her heart with his. I must not try to cling to what was. (Hear me preaching to myself?) Holding on or looking back stunts. Growth can only come through letting go and embracing the new. There will be new life for her and also new life in our home and hearts as well. God is doing a beautiful work and I must join Him. He has plans that are good that include a bright future. He IS orchestrating what we have prayed for and trusted Him for to do in her. I must now look to what He wants to accomplish in the present and the future, not stay in the past. I must not wallow in any regret. I certainly have made many mistakes. We were/are far from perfect. Would those mistakes adversely affect her - the rest of her life? These kinds of questions now came to my mind. “Did I do enough?” “Did I raise her to be what God wanted from us?” “Did I properly equip her to be a godly wife and responsible adult?” “Did I really say all that I’ve wanted to say and do to teach her as a beautiful young woman going out into the world?” Definitely no easy answers here. Only a twinge of indescribable thoughts came to mind through those questions. All of this put a heightened sense of awareness of the days left before us. So there is a choice, stay in the past and pretend like it’s not going to change, or move on and embrace what is before you.

One very important statement I was told early on that was tucked away in the corner of my mind was “Guard your heart.” This means protecting your heart and mind with truth. Put on the truth of God’s Word daily and pray. Major transitions are not easy, but God is in the midst of them - if you step back and see. He teaches us so many valuable lessons that may not come any other way. Don’t let the enemy wreak havoc in your relationship through emotions that go unchecked. I had plenty of emotions and didn’t handle them all in the best way, all of the time. But there are apologies and forgiveness. There is a relinquishing involved, and we can’t fight it. Tell God all about your feelings. He understands them, even if no one else does. And lastly, enjoy the new relationship - both with your daughter and also your son-in-law to be. It is truly a precious, God-given gift to gain another family member that also deeply loves your child and has their best interest at heart.