Sarah {life as a new mom}

I know Tammy from our college days.  I admire her as a friend and as a mom.  Her blog has encouraged me and challenged me so many times.  Tammy is so transparent and honest and I deeply appreciate that about her.  The posts in her "mom series" have been encouraging and challenging to me as a new mom.  When she asked me if I'd be willing to write for her blog I felt very inadequate.  I've never written a blog post and I don't have anything deep or new to share.  I've only been a mom for 4 months!  But somehow, between the sleep deprivation and fussiness, I want to use this opportunity to share some of how God is growing me in the early days of motherhood.

Being a mom is hard!  Rewarding, yes.  But I've found it's harder than a lot of people wil admit.  Not in a "oh that diaper change was hard" kind of way.  But in a dying to self kind of way.  In a "I don't have the patience or energy or love to do this right now" kind of way.  Anna Grace can be the sweetest baby and there are moments (like the first time she smiled or when she's asleep in my arms) when being a mom is better than I could have ever imagined.  But I have a very fussy, unhappy baby who also has reflex   And sometimes it's just overwhelming.  When I find myself so overwhelmed and exhausted and frustrated, when I realize and admit I can't do this on my own, that's when Christ is strong.  God is definitely using parenthood to show me how incapable I am and how much I need Him.  The Holy Spirit who lives in my enables me to live beyond myself.  

But, this best sums up where I am right now in my journey of motherhood and why it can be so hard...

"The constant battle of motherhood is more subtle, more everyday, more hideable.  At the center is one question:  Will I sacrifice?...The everyday Question, however, asks no just about what I do but also about my attitude." The Everyday Question of Motherhood 

This week I've been thinking about Easter and parenthood.  I understand a little better the perfect, sacrificial, unconditional love God has shown us through Christ.  He loved us when we were sinners, and there was nothing good about us, and gave His only Son to die for us while we were in that condition.(Romans 5:6-8)  That is amazing love!  I fail daily to love Anna like that.  But His grace covers me.  His finished work on the cross covers me.  And because He lives, He sustains me with His Spirit and gives me hope.  "To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27

Wow!  Chist is in me.  He fills me, sustains me, sanctifies me by His Spirit, enables me to be a mom, and to show His to others, to Anna.  That is my calling as a mom.  My calling is not to have a happy, content baby who is on a perfect schedule or who reaches her milestones at the appropriate times.  Christ is my hope.  Everything else we set our hope on will disappoint in the end.  Marriage, motherhood, wealth, achievements, possessions, whatever it is.  only Christ.

Put another way:
"Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying...But a Christian should have a different paradigm.  We should run to the cross.  To death.  So lay down your hopes...Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross  There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone." - from Motherhood is a Calling 

So between Easter and motherhood, this is what God is teaching me right now:

"At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice, and there is perhaps no occupation in the world so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood.  Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel." from Motherhood as a Mission Field.

"For the love of Christ compels us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died, and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live or themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." (2 Corinthians 5:14-15)

I pray that God will enable me to live this out so Anna Grace will know Christ and live for Him!