This morning I had plans for the day. I woke up later than normal, and as the girls started waking up, those plans started unraveling. I had 3 unusually fussy girls and I began to get very frustrated. I decided to stay home and try spend time with girls. I am glad that we stayed home, because I soon became an emotional wreck. I was so focused on myself...my insecurities, my loneliness, my shortcomings. I cried most of the morning, and got a call from Landon during his lunch break. He pointed me to Christ and told me to get in the word. He reminded me that God wants me to find my security in Him...to feel loved by Him...and to seek my strength from Him. My mother-in-law sent me an email a few days ago with 2 new songs from Mandisa. I listed to them...but today I REALLY listened to The Truth About Me. I got on my knees and asked God to forgive me, broken, crying...while 2 little babies sat there and watched. He has blessed me so much...why do I keep questioning Him and keeping the focus on ME? I have to find my security in HIM. I felt such a peace as I talked to God and gave those struggles to Him. I am thankful for a Godly husband, and most of all for a forgiving and loving God. I know that not everyone struggles the same way I do....but I wanted to share this song with you all and I hope it will be a blessing. Click on the title to listen to it.
If only I could see me as You see me
And understand the way that I am loved
Would it give a whole new meaning to my purpose
Change the way I see the world
Would I sparkle like a star in the night sky
Would I give a little more instead of take
If I understood I’m precious like a diamond
Of a worth no one could estimate
I’m a worth no one could estimate
You say lovely, I say broken
I say guilty, You say forgiven
I feel lonely
You say You’re with me
We both know
It would change everything
If only I believed
The truth about me
I wish I could hold on to the moments
When my life is spinning, but I’m peaceful still
Like a wind, You whisper into silence
And tell me things this world never will
You tell me things this world never will
I would sleep better at night
Wake up with hope for another day
I would love even if it cost me
Take a chance, and know I’m gonna be ok
I would dare to give my life away
Thanks for sharing Tammy! Kinda what I'm going through the past couple days too . . . complete with encouraging hubby phone call :) Just in case you're trying to place me, we worked at the Nland the summer of '05. Thought this song would encourage you too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-w6YG2NZguc
ReplyDeleteAmen, Tammy. I sympathize with everything you wrote. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteTammy - I know you will probably get a TON of comments on this! And I know it was probably hard for you to write about this - and more so to go through it.
ReplyDeleteI have been struggling so much with these feelings. Of insecurities, loneliness - no one to have as a close friend, old friends moving on in PA etc. I could go on and on literally of my feelings.
I have really been struggling inside my head with fighting what I know is truth and what I know is true about me and about God and his love for Me, but the battle of the mind is hard! I don't triumph hardly at all - but I will keep plugging away. I find faults in the one closest to me! (rich) :( that makes me sad. but sometimes I feel so defeated in my mind and I can't snap out of it! I have been praying to God to help me through this, and I can see where I'm growing, but I fail daily!
Thank you for this encouragement.
I will try to remember to pray for you when I'm strugggling.
Thank You
Susanna...I def. remember you from camp! I'll keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteLacey...praying for you too! :O)
Jessica...tears came to my mind as I read your post. Thank you for sharing with me...I feel like I am not alone in the battle! I am praying for you.