Tuesday, January 15, 2013

My Hope...

"I'm exhausted."  I think I might have said that phrase countless times in the last few weeks.  Like many of you, our family has passed around several viruses since the beginning of December.  We traveled to San Antonio for Christmas and the girls came down with a very bad respiratory virus while we were there.  They didn't eat, didn't sleep and didn't play most of the time we were there. Christmas was just very solemn for my sweet girls.  We made the very hard decision to leave early so we could get home and get them in to their Doctor.  It was a long lasting virus that we gave as a Christmas gift to three out of four of the grandparents.  We have spent a lot of time at home trying to recover, and I thought we were finally out of the woods, when over the weekend Lily developed a terrible wheezing cough and high fever.  Monday morning we found out she has RSV as well as an infection in her right lung.  We did a breathing treatment in the Doctor's office, and took home a machine to continue the treatment every 4 hours for the next few days.  Lily is my strong girl - she is taking it like a champ, and I'm so thankful for that!  In this photo she is comforting Lauren (who is terrified) during her first treatment at home.  Melts my heart!

I have to be honest I haven't had the best attitude through all of this.  I have been sick myself and have felt lonely, discouraged, tired and frustrated. I just didn't know if I could take care of one more person, clean up one more mess or even find the energy to make dinner.  I woke up this morning at 2:30 to give Lily a breathing treatment and just cried...I haven't been seeking my strength and comfort from the only person that can give that to me.  I haven't been embracing my privilege of motherhood with joy even when my children are sick.  I'm thankful for God's forgiveness and the chance to start over again today.  I'm thankful that He will give me strength on only a few hours of sleep and give me comfort when I feel alone or discouraged.  The girls and I sang worship songs all morning and played.  One of my favorite songs was a huge encouragement to me today....

My Hope Is In You (Aaron Shust)
I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries, HOLY!
Hallelujah, Father, You're Near!

I wait for you and my soul finds rest
In my selfishmness, you show my grace
I worship You and my heart cries Glory
Father You're here!

My hope is, in YOU Lord

All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord

I will wait on You
You are my refuge

I wasn't able to go to sleep for a while and thought about all my friends and family that needed prayer.  This is such a little trial compared to many of the trials they are going through.  It's for a season and I can choose what kind of attitude I will have.   I'm thankful for the opportunity God has given me to take care of my children (healthy or sick), but I'm also thankful that His mercies are new each morning! I am thankful for all of our friends and family who have been praying for us, called to check on Lily, have offered to help or bring groceries....it such a huge encouragement to our family!

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