This has been one of those weeks I would love to start again. It. Was. ROUGH. I ended yesterday frustrated, lonely, angry and exhausted. My girls are SO sweet, but there was a lot of screaming, hitting, talking back, crying, DRAMA going on here as well. We passed a stomach bug around which didn't help with all the crazy emotions flying around this house. I know what y'all are thinking right now - poor Landon. I agree, but He was made to be a daddy of 3 girls. He always has a great response, and always brings me back to reality on those hard days by telling me TRUTH.
I have struggled a lot with loneliness this week....okay...to be honest, for the last couple years. I have really been doing a lot of soul searching and praying this week on how to really get a grasp on it. This morning while reading, I realized how much of an idol having close relationships had become in my life. I am a giver and a people pleaser. I will give to my family and give to my friends until I am so exhausted I can't take care of myself. I have been so emotionally and physically exhausted trying to accomplish all the tasks that I have MADE FOR MYSELF to fill that void in my heart. The book I have been reading, "Jesus + Nothing = Everything" can put it better than I can:
"we think that idols are bad things, but that is almost never the case. The greater the good, the more likely we are to expect that it can satisfy our deepest needs and hopes. Anything can serve as a counterfeit god, especially the best things in life. An idol has such a controlling position in your heart that you can spend most of your passion and energy, your emotional and financial resources, on it without a second thought..."
Wow. I'm so thankful for a God that forgives me for putting what was important to me before HIM. For pouring myself into other relationships instead of making my relationship with Him my first priority. When I am only seeking for His love and acceptance, He will freely give that to me, and I will no longer need to look to others to fill that hole.
I have a LOT of work to do. I can't rewind this week, but I can start changing my heart right now.
I just love sharing what God is teaching me - even if it reveals something ugly about myself if it can be an encouragement to someone else!
If you are looking for a book to read I highly recommend this one! You can buy it here.